If Only
by sunkisz
Summary: Eric and Sookie love each other, but is that enough to make it last? AH/AU E/S Re-post of my entry for the Cowboy up Contest.


I stand there behind the shoots, sitting on the top fence, watching her. She is a magnificent creature. Her broad shoulders, straightened as she comes up and down with each move. The contortion of her features as she is moving towards her goal.

Everything about her screams out to me, and that is not something that happens… She is one of a kind, and from the moment I met her, or rather set eyes on her, I craved her. I had to have her, had to brand her with my name.

I watch as she makes a second turn, and does so gracefully and with ease, her straw hat still on her head, and her blond hair flowing behind her in the warm, southerly wind. I notice her eyes are focused on her task, but still glance my way. I feel a trickle of desire at that moment, and remember the first time I saw her.

**4 years ago**

"Eric, man, you have to come out with us tonight," Alcide said, fixing his black hair back with a greased comb.

He was one of the best friends I'd made on the long days and roads I have been traveling for the past year.

I started bull riding when I was sixteen, but couldn't get into it professionally until I turned twenty. I had a few loose ends to fix before I could go on the road full time, and he stuck with me through them all. He waited to start his career until we could go together.

"Naw, I think I am going to the plaza in a while. I am not interested in your… activities for the night," I said smirking. I knew all too well what he liked to do at night. There were plenty of girls along the way, wanting their chance at a cowboy.

I took my pleasures in them for the first eight months, but soon found I wasn't turned on by them anymore. They were just cattle to the slaughter house, easily used and ready for the picking. I wanted something more, but the time on the road didn't give me the chance to spend a great deal of time with anyone. And I doubted anyone wanted a man that wasn't going to be home often.

"If you're sure..." he said, picking up his felt hat and adjusting it before putting it on.

"I am sure."

"See ya later then," he said, and closed the door behind him.

I lay back onto the bed, thinking about how quickly my life had become what it was. I was in a one star hotel, just barely getting by, but that is how it was supposed to be until I moved up the ranks. I was sure that one of those days my break would come and I had a feeling that was the year for it. I was already in fifth place, but I wanted first. Nothing would stand in my way for the top.

I decided to leave for the evening, for my own pleasures. If anything, to get a drink and come back for some much needed rest. The next day, I was riding one of the third hardest bulls and needed to be on top of my game so to speak.

I was wearing a white button up shirt, with the first three buttons undone, showing off some of chest hair. My pants were form fitting, and very comfortable. These were broken in about three months ago, and fit rightly in all the important spots.

I grabbed my scuffed, old leather boots, just perfectly worn in if you ask me, and looked in the mirror at my reflection, while adjusting my felt hat. My lucky straw one was sitting out for the night. Ever since I started making perfect form on my 8 seconds and scoring high, I have kept it close and would make sure to wear it each time. Alcide joked with me about it, but I really didn't give a shit what he thought about me and my superstitions. If something worked, I was one to not pass it up.

I walked out the door, grabbing my keys along the way. The fairgrounds where we were staying was only a few blocks away. So I walked in that direction, keeping my eyes peeled; I was consciously aware of my surroundings, alert for any sign of danger.

I am taller than most bull riders, but height never keeps anyone from messing with you.

When I reached the grounds, I walked in and went past security. I decided to go over to where the bulls were being kept. A sentimental gesture, yes, but I still liked to get acquainted with the animal that would be my success or my undoing. Another thing that had always worked out in my favor that Alcide scoffed at. But then again, he was in tenth place and I in fifth for a reason.

I walked over to the fenced in area where there were about seven different bulls grazing. I spotted my bull, the big white one with brown spots over its mid section. I stood up on the fence post, and sat half ass on the pole, looking directly at the bull. He stared right back and I knew then that he was a smart one. Usually the ones that looked away quick were the ones that didn't put up much of a fight.

"So we are going to get close tomorrow," I started, and took off my hat. I fingered the curves and shape of it was I went on. "Let's just agree to treat each other with respect and no one will get hurt. Agreed?" The bull snorted and turned its head; I wondered if it was mocking me. Fucking bull...

"I dunno about you, but I doubt that bull understands you," said a sweet, angelic voice from behind me. If I were to say I wasn't startled, I would be lying. I practically jumped off my perch, but I quickly caught myself before I bit the dust head on. I picked my hat up off the grass and jumped back over the fence to be met with peals of laughter from the girl once again.

"Do you make it a habit of sneaking up on people?" I seethed, as I brushed the dirt and specks of grass off my hat. I loved this hat, and she was lucky it didn't fall into the mud.

She took a few steps towards me and this time I could see her face, and the body that accompanied it. She was wearing a blue button up collar shirt, and it was tucked into her tight, cruel girl jeans. Her blond hair fell just past her shoulders and she smiled when the moonlight hit her face. She was beautiful.

"No, but its not every day I hear a cowboy talk to a bull either," she said, and went over to the rail. She leaned against it as I placed my hat back on my head.

I went and stood next to her, she smiled again, but this time I could see it close up. I felt a jolt of something pass through me, and I couldn't contain it. Something inside me, wanted to reach out, hold her, never let her go. It was disturbing, but welcoming at the same time.

"What's your name cowboy?" she asked, and I smirked at her.

"Eric."

"Eric Northman?" she asked, and turned her body to mine. I wasn't sure if her knowledge of my name was good or not. I did get around a lot, but that was in the past. "It that you?"

"Yes. You've heard of me?" I asked, and she nodded, looking out in the field.

"I have," she said softly, turning her head back to me, "perhaps you would like to get a drink with me?"

I looked her in the eyes and saw her face turn to a pale, pink color, which trailed down her neck. She was blushing, and it was mouthwatering.

"I would love to," I said, holding out my hand to her.

She took it without hesitation. Holding her hand in mine felt almost natural, as though her touch, her being next me was where she was meant to be. I had just met her, but I found myself feeling as though I had known her longer than the few minutes that we had been talking. I entwined my fingers through hers and she didn't make a move against them, but squeezed my hand in response.

"So where is this place we are going?" I asked once I realized we were heading in the opposite direction of where I was staying. Her lips curled up into a small smirk and I felt something come to life in my body.

"Have you been to the Firecracker before?" she asked, and I shook my head.

"I haven't. I don't live around these parts," I answered and she smiled wider.

"I don't either, but this is _the_ place you have to go when you are in Denver. Has anyone told you that before, Eric?" she teased.

"No, I usually go to the bar close to where I am staying if I want a drink. What's so nice about this place?"

"You will see," she said and squeezed my hand again. We walked a few more blocks and came up to a dirt road. She took to the right, and I continued with her. I was beginning to think she was taking me somewhere I wasn't going to get out of. Who was this girl anyway? She looked familiar, but I still didn't have her name. I rectified that immediately.

"What is your name?" I asked her, and she looked over to me, her eyes fixing on mine. Her baby blue eyes sparkled against the moonlight, and I wanted to kiss her at that moment, but felt it was too early. I didn't want her to run off before I got a chance to know her.

"Sookie, Sookie Stackhouse," she whispered looking not at my eyes now, but at my lips. I saw her small pink tongue come out and graze her plump lips. I couldn't resist anymore, and before I knew it, I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. They were soft and sweet, as I thought they would be. She didn't pull back, but didn't respond either. I pulled back to see her eyes closed and her face pinked. She opened her eyes and stared into mine. She didn't say anything, but took my hand and began walking again.

After a few minutes of silence, I had to say something. "Sookie, are you upset..."

"No, but next time ask my permission," she said and I nodded, not saying anything more. We finally reached an abandoned barn in the middle of a field. There were trucks and cars parked along the building; it looked like the place was packed.

I had been in this town a few times already, and had never heard of this place. We walked in and I saw the bar to the right of the dance floor where there were many couples dancing to country songs. She tightened her grip on my hand and walked me over to the bar and asked for two beers. I pulled out a twenty and paid before she could protest. She thanked me and downed her beer quickly. Damn, the girl was thirsty.

"Hurry up. I want to dance the next one," she said and I took another swig from my beer. I wasn't a big dancer, but still, I knew a few things.

I set the empty bottle on the counter and she took my hand eagerly, and practically bounced out to the dance floor. _'Ride Cowboy Ride'_, was playing and it was a personal favorite of mine. I twirled her at the edge of the floor and easily moved in with the others already there. She was smiling and chuckling as I moved her along the floor, leading her in the basic three step routine.

She followed without any problem, her right leg between mine, and our pelvises connected. I could feel my dick stir to life, and I willed it down as I twirled her once again, watching her perfect ass wiggle coming back to me. Her back was to me now, and she took the chance to grind against me, and that time I couldn't control it. I went half mast and was glad my jeans were dark wash ones.

Otherwise everyone would have saw it. Sookie seemed to think it was funny and turned around, so I could lead her some more. Her hair smelled sweet like cherry blossoms, and her skin was so smooth. I wanted to run my hands over her body, feel her closer to me.

The song turned to a slow one, and I took the chance to get close to her, to be able to touch her more.

Her face flushed as she heard the song come on, and I grabbed her hand as she started walking away. "Hey, hey," I said and pulled her to me. She didn't say a word, but allowed me to embrace her body to mine. I did so slowly, wanting her to come the rest of the distance. She looked down, her face blushing deeper, and I put my hands around her waist. She took a step closer to me and set her forehead against my shoulder, closing her eyes, and breathing in deep. I had no clue what was going on in her head, but I hoped she wanted me as much as I her.

She raised her hands up over my shoulders and wrapped them around my neck, burying her face into my shirt. I could feel her smiling against my skin as I slowly moved us along, swaying two step style along the floor. Her feet easily kept up with mine again, and it felt like she was made for me, like no other woman could take her place.

Standing there, holding her in my arms, made me want the night to never end. The song came to a close all too fast and so did the evening. We stayed and chatted some about the different competitions and I found out where I had heard her name before. She was in the barrel racing competitions, and I heard she was in third place in her career. We talked more about our lives and family and before I knew it, we were back at the hotel, and it didn't dawn on me to ask her where she was staying.

"This is me, but I can walk you to where you are staying. I want to make sure you are safe," I said, and she smiled.

"I am in room 128," she whispered and I walked her in that direction. When we reached her door, she pulled out a key from her pocket and turned to me before placing it in the lock. "Thank you for a wonderful time tonight Eric. I had fun with you."

"Thank you for inviting me; I wouldn't have known about that place," I said and took a step back, so she didn't feel that I was expecting anything. To tell the truth I wanted her, but right now didn't seem right. I felt she needed to be courted, and not taken to bed so quickly. She was special, or she soon would be to me.

"Eric..." she whispered, and I stopped. She took a stride towards me and stood close enough to where I could feel her hot breath against my neck. Her lips grazed against my ear, and I felt a chill run through my body. "Kiss me."

I didn't hesitate. I put my hands on her waist, and pulled her body close to mine as our lips moved against the others. Her lips were sweet, and so very soft.

Kissing her, lit something on fire in me, something I had never felt before. Her tongue sought entrance to my mouth, and I met hers with mine. She moaned into my mouth softly, and the sound drove me wild. The sounds coming from her left me craving more. Her hands went up; she took off my hat with one, running her other hand over the little hair I had from my buzz cut. She pulled back shortly after and kissed my lips once more, before turning the lock in the door. She turned around and smiled as she walked in and half shut the door. "Good night Eric."

**Present**

I remember watching her riding for the first time. She was a force to be reckoned with, and I knew she would one day be at the top of her division. Sookie was always pushing herself forward, and completed anything that she set her mind to. That was one of the things about her I quickly fell in love with. She never beat around the bush, she always did what she thought was right, and never stopped till it was completed. She never gave up on anything.

When I left her room that night, I was high as a kite from the kiss, and from just being around her. She was someone who could prove to be the one for me, and someone I could easily be with. That next day, after watching her ride, I gave her my cell phone number, encouraging her to call me when she had the free time. She gave me hers in return and three days later, I got a text from her. That was the beginning of the relationship that would forever change me.

**3 years ago**

We were coming from east Tennessee when I received a call from Sookie, telling me she was also going to be in Dallas today. We had been on the road for a few hours now, and I was growing more and more excited to see her. The last time I saw her was in Florida, and that was over four months ago.

The barrel competitions she was in were at times on the other side of the country and I hardly got to see her at all. When we were last together, we spent almost every second together, and I could tell from her actions and attentions that she was falling for me as much as I was for her. She was calling to me, to my soul. Having so many states between us was taking a toll on us, but we still kept up with our conversations. We talked at least twice a day, and that didn't include all the text messages we sent each other throughout the day. She was becoming my rock, and I couldn't thank her enough for her support.

I was now second in the championship and was climbing my way to first. The other rider that was in front of me was very much respected. He worked as hard as I have to get to where I was, and for that I liked him. Sookie had told me a few things about Hoyt and his background, and I wondered where she heard about it.

Little did I know… her brother was best friends with him, but didn't travel with him anymore, on account of him settling down and starting a family. Jason Stackhouse was also a famous bull rider who came in second to Hoyt most of the time. I wasn't far behind him anymore at tying his record, all I needed was a little luck on my side.

When we got to Dallas, I was becoming more and more excited with each passing minute. Alcide kept looking at me like I had lost my mind. "Calm down Eric. Your woman will be in your arms in less than five minutes."

I was practically squirming in my seat when I saw her. She was standing in front of the hotel entrance wearing a short, brown dress that came up above her knees. I needed her so badly, she would never know how much. Alcide pulled the car into a parking spot and Sookie came rushing over. I opened my car door frantically, contemplating ripping it from the hinges when it wouldn't open at first, and ran over to her arms. She met me halfway, and I pulled her into a hug, spinning us around, allowing her scent to tease my nostrils and her body to warm mine. She wrapped her legs around my waist and was locking down so as to never let me go. I placed my hands on her supple ass, and massaged her cheeks as I pulled her lips into a kiss with passion that was bottled up inside of me for four long months of not seeing her. She came to mean so much to me, and having her there in my arms made me never want to be apart from her.

When we parted lips she smiled, but never stopped kissing my face. She peppered me with her sweet kisses, and I couldn't get enough of it. "Sookie, I have missed you."

She never stopped, but started grinding her sex against my now hard erection, trying to spring forth from my jeans. "I missed you too." After a few more minutes I tried to place her back on the ground but she protested, squeezing her legs tighter around me. "No, take me to my room," she whispered against my lips and I groaned thinking of what we could do alone. Without another word, she quickly told me the room number and went back to my lips, kissing me sweetly and massaging her tongue with mine. The taste of her was something to be savored, something to never be taken for granted.

We made it to her door and she unlocked the door without saying anything or even moving her lips from mine. The girl could multitask for sure. I walked us inside and closed the door behind me, and quickly locked it in place. The last thing I needed was an audience or someone interrupting us.

This time when I pushed her legs gently off my hips, she complied and stood in front of me. I looked at her, skin flushed and her lips pouty and swollen from all her kisses on my rough skin. She was a sight to be seen, and I would show her just how much I needed her.

"I need you Eric, so much," she said, reaching up, placing her arms around my neck. "Will you give me what I want?" she asked, and I felt my dick swarm to life, and feel harder than ever. She lifted herself up on her tippy toes and placed a chaste kiss on my lips before pulling back. She walked over to the side table and lit the candle that was beside the bed and went over to the other ones around the room, and lit them one by one. It was past ten when we got here so it was dark out, and the candlelight would be perfect for that night. I really didn't know what to do, but watch her move in front of me, and think about was under her clothes I would soon be seeing. She stopped at the last candle and before lighting it, she turned to me.

"You are over dressed Eric."

It took a few seconds for my brain to catch up to what she was saying. My cock had currently taken all my blood supply so I really had to think about the words that came forth from her delectable mouth. I shucked out of my boots, not really paying attention to where I placed them and took off my socks, and shirt. By then. she was in front of me, rubbing her small, hot hands over my chest, fingering the hair there.

"Allow me," she huskily said and focused her eyes on mine. I could feel her fingers undo the button first then the zipper to my jeans, as she worked the pants over my hips. She broke eye contact and looked down at my erect member, coming up and poking her in the stomach, I saw a blush take over her features. I stepped out of my jeans and was standing there naked, for her to see all of me. She took a step back and I could see her pupils were dilated and her nipples were hardened through the fabric. She wasn't wearing a bra, so getting her undressed would be done in no time.

"You are now the overdressed one lover," I said and she blushed more. She took me by the hand and sat me on the side of the bed, her body in front of mine between my legs. She pulled her dress over her head and I was welcomed all at once with her body fully exposed.

She wasn't wearing anything under that small dress. An appreciative groan escaped my lips as I leaned forward and took one of her nipples into my mouth. Her fingers came up to my hair and she pressed me harder into her chest, begging for more. Little did she know, I would be ravishing her all night if she let me. I nibbled and sucked on her, moving to the other to pay attention to it equally. I snaked a hand up her leg, caressing the skin there, until I came upon her folds, slick with heat and ready for the taking. But I wanted to taste her first.

I released my mouth on her nipple and in one swift move, had her on the bed, and her legs open to me. I didn't wait for her to protest, but threw my head between her thighs, licking and teasing her nub. She squirmed against my hand as I inserted two fingers into her, pumping her and adjusting her to my size for later.

She moaned and thrashed, riding my fingers while I swirled my tongue and teeth against her bundle of nerves. She was panting, begging for more, begging for me to be inside of her. _All in due time. _I curled my fingers inside her and two strokes later she came on my lips and hand. I looked up at her at the moment it happened and saw her eyes fly back into her head, as the aftershocks overtook her body.

She shook from her release, and gasped for air as I licked her juices from my fingers and took my place beside her on the bed. But not before seeing the box of condoms beside me on the stand. I reached over as she lay there with her eyes closed and rolled on a condom, throwing the wrapper on the floor. I turned on my side and she rolled also facing me, shaping her body close to mine. She smiled and leaned in whispering, "thank you," and kissing my lips, tasting herself on them.

She then reached down and felt my erection, all ready for her and she pulled her hip up, placing it on mine. I kissed her sweetly and tenderly, as she placed my head at her entrance. Once my head was inside, I thrust into her, and in one swift move, I was buried inside of her. She yelped from the sensation, while digging her free hand into my shoulder. My hand rested on her hip and I stared into her eyes as I pulled out all the way and pushed forward once again. She moaned against my lips, and rocked her hips against my own. After a few minutes of adjusting her to my size, I rolled her onto her back kissing and nibbling her neck. Her hands went down to my ass, and squeezed hard, begging me to go faster.

"Eric, please, Eric..." she continued to moan, wanting it faster than I was giving her at the time. I wanted to savor this, but she had other plans. And I couldn't stand to hear her beg, so I quickened my pace. Soon enough she came, her muscles clinching against my cock, and I slowed so she could enjoy her release. I started back up this time but faster and harder, feeling my own impending release.

She met me thrust for thrust, our bodies becoming one at that moment. Her eyes locked with mine and there was only one thing running though my mind at that moment. I bent down to kiss her, feeling her about to release with me, and whispered against her lips, "I love you," and she came harder than the first time, milking me in the process. She screamed out my name and I buried my face into her neck, thinking of how perfect this moment was. She was perfect, everything about her. I could only wish she felt the same way.

As though she could read my mind she softly said, "I love you too."

**Present**

Hearing her say those words the first time, caused my heart to sing out and wish to never be apart from her. I wanted her with me always, but it wasn't going to happen. We both wanted to come out ahead. I was working harder trying to get to first place, since it came with the endorsements, and it was becoming something I placed first in my life. I really didn't give much thought to what Sookie thought about it, but thinking back, I should have. I should have questioned her, but I couldn't do anything about it then.

**2 years ago**

Sookie and I were happier than ever. We both saw each other as often as possible, even though it was hard to do. I put so much effort into seeing her, I slacked off in preparing for my rides. I was so distracted one evening that I fell off not even at the three second mark. I was way off my game, but I didn't seem to care. Having Sookie by my side, was something I couldn't get enough of.

She stopped racing only to be with me all the time. I proposed to her about six months ago, and we got married a month later. She was wearing a traditional wedding gown one would have worn on a ranch, with her hair bundled up on her head. She was a sight to behold.

We ended up deciding to have a small family gathering, which consisted of thirty of our closest friends and family. We had been traveling a little over a year together, and she was my rock. She always gave me the support I needed. But the past few months had been the hardest on her. I hadn't been around as much as I used to, and I would sometimes leave her at home to go out of town, hoping I could concentrate that way.

Only, I couldn't get her off my mind. She was my weakness, and it was becoming something I couldn't deal with anymore. Eric Northman didn't have weaknesses, especially ones that came in the way of losing his dream, of being a champion bull rider. I loved her, god I did. The only thing was, when I was riding all I could think about was her riding me instead. That would be enough for me to lose my concentration and soon; I was falling back in the ranks. I was almost to ten when I made the decision. A decision I wasn't too keen with, but I was tired of falling below my usual standards.

One night when we were on the road, I snapped at her in our hotel room.

"God dammit. I can't take this anymore," I yelled out, slamming the door, and saw her sitting on the bed.

"What is it Eric? Is something wrong?" she asked, concerned, and I was feeling like an ass. I knew what I was there to do, but there was a part of me begging me not to. She was my all, and I couldn't go on without her. But I was a selfish bastard. I always wanted to be first, and with her there, it didn't look like it was going to happen.

She walked over and reached out her hand to me, attempting to console me, but I wouldn't let her. I walked around her frame, knocking her shoulder with mine and went over to my suitcase in the closet. I opened my drawers, the ones we shared, and could feel a part of my brain scream out 'NO' but I pushed it back; I needed to do this. It had to be fast and quick, like pulling off a band aid, then it shouldn't hurt as much.

"Eric?" she whispered, and I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I couldn't stand to see her heart break, knowing it was my fault.

"I need to go," I said and she started towards me, "alone."

She stilled in her tracks. "What do you mean alone?" she asked, her voice cracking. I closed my eyes for a moment and reopened them, throwing my clothes into the suitcase and going to the bathroom, taking my few things with me.

I came back into the room. She was still sitting on the edge of the bed, watching me, tears streaming down her face. "What is going on? Why are you leaving?"

I stopped and looked at her. I controlled my face as if it were stone so she couldn't see the pain I had in me. I couldn't break down in front of her, and not go through with this. _She is a distraction. Its for the best_, my mind supplied, helping me to go through with it. "I cannot be with you anymore Sookie. Just leave it at that."

She jumped off the bed and came towards me with anger in her eyes. "No Eric. I deserve to know more than that. We have been married for a year now, and I am your wife. You cannot just leave me you asshole."

I looked up, glaring at her as I zipped up my suitcase. "I can, and I will. You cannot stop me, so don't bother trying," I said, my voice hard and cold. "It's your fault I am not in first already. So I am going to fix the problem on my own."

I could feel my heart break in two seeing her so lost at that moment. She was my lover, my wife, my everything. Our relationship went beyond what others had on this earth. Deep down, she was my soul mate. I knew I was making a deal with the devil leaving her on my own selfish whim, but I'd be damned if I wasn't going to try to be first. I hated the thought of what would happen to us if I didn't. If I stayed, allowed myself to be that man, the one who always wondered if he truly had the stuff to make it, the thoughts 'what if' and 'why didn't I' ringing in my mind for eternity. No. I wouldn't let that happen. Sookie deserved better. There was no other option. I sucked in a deep breath, and put on my cowboy hat, picking up my stuff and opening the door.

I stopped at the door, the handle in my hand. I could turn around and beg for forgiveness, beg for her to take me back. But my pride wouldn't let me. I walked out the door, and as I closed it behind me, I heard her whisper, "I love you Eric. Good bye."

**Present**

The day I walked out that door, was the beginning of the worst days to come. Six months after I left, I was back in second and a year later… I made first. I got endorsements from all around the country and some of the biggest ones I had gigs with. But my life was so incomplete. I didn't have my Sookie next to me, and even though I achieved my dream, I wasn't as thrilled about it as I should have been. It was then that I realized that my dreams had changed when I met her, but I was too stupid to see it then.

She was my everything, like I had though the title would have been. And she wasn't there to share it with me, and she wasn't there to nurse me along when I broke two of my ribs falling from a bull. It was our anniversary that day, and I had remembered when I mounted the bull. _She is everything to me and I have to get her back._

That is the reason I am back in Dallas for the first time in over a year. Seeing her riding again brings me pleasure, and I can tell it does for her as well. The crowd erupts with applause as she finishes her rounds, her horse trotting past me from the last run.

She slows him down inside and I hear her sweet voice whispering to him, while leaning down and brushing his hair. I feel so jealous of that damn horse, hearing her caress him, something I had not felt in so long from her. I ache for her, and need her back in my life. I can't go on if she isn't with me. The only thing that gave me hope over the past year is that she never contacted me for a divorce. The thought gives me a glimmer of hope, that she still loves me, even after what I did to her.

She hops off her horse and takes the reins, leading him into the single stable. When she makes the corner, I walk over so I can hear her voice again.

"My sweet Quinn. You are so good to me, always being a good boy," she whispers, nuzzling his nose with hers. She picks up an apple from the side cabinet and gives it to him. "There you are honey."

She continues to coo to him until she realizes there is someone watching her - Me. For some reason, she doesn't turn around so I know she has to know it is me. "What are you doing here?" she asks quietly, and her words rip through my chest. I have a lot of making up to do with her.

"I missed you," I lamely say, and she still doesn't turn around, but continues petting her horse. "I came back to see you."

She turns around, looking me in the eyes, and I see the pain and anger still lingering within her. It is because of me she dropped out of her activities; she wanted to travel with me.

Who knows where she would be already if she hadn't met me. She takes off Quinn's saddle and picks up a brush to start grooming him. He is the fastest and strongest horse she has. She always brings him to these things and leaves the others at home. It was almost as though she is at one when she rides him.

"Well you saw me, now what?" she snaps, still brushing him. Quinn lets out a snort when I take a step closer.

"I wanted to talk to you," I say, standing behind her. She smells so good, even when she was sweating from the ride.

She stops brushing the horse and hangs her head. "I don't think we have a lot to talk about."

"Well, there is one thing we do," I say, pressing my body against hers. She leans back into my chest and I place my hands on her waist.

She turns and pushes me off of her, walking to the other side of the stable. "We do have one thing to talk about, and it is not that."

I raise an eyebrow. "And that is?"

She bites her lip before speaking. "I want a divorce."

Those four words coming out shatters any last hope I have of holding her again. She wants to be rid of me. Has she met someone else? Is she serious about not wanting to be with me?

"What?" I blurt out and she raises her eyes and jutts her chit out defiantly.

"I want a divorce," she says, but with more conviction. Her voice isn't strained either. She is being serious. I can only look at her, and wonder why I am so stupid. I could beg her, but I know she doesn't want that.

"I will think about it," I say, leaving without another word. I walk out of the stables and out to the fairgrounds, looking up at the sky as the sun sets.

I feel tears prickling around my eyes, but I hold them back. I can't let her go so easily, not as she did to me. I always wondered why she never fought for me that day, thinking it was my tone with her that made her think I was lost to her.

There isn't a moment that goes by that I don't think of her, not a second. I regret what I said to her, and she is going to know it, even if I had to beg. I have never had to before, but she is worth it in my eyes.

I circle around, seeing a place being set up for the after show. When the rodeo was over, all of us will get together afterwards and drink and dance. It will be the perfect time to see her again.

I head to the hotel and to get dressed in my best - the same clothes I wore when I first met her. I hope she remembers how she felt about me when she sees me tonight. I walk through the entrance and am immediately welcomed by other riders. They all know me one way or another, and ask questions until I see her. I leave them alone, seeing her walk in with her white cotton dress on. She is a vision of beauty, and she will be mine again.

I walk over to her and she stiffens when she hears me say hello.

"I thought you left," she says, taking the beer from the bartender and leaving him a tip. I take a swig of my own, as she quickly downs hers like she did that night.

"I couldn't. Not until you hear me out."

She snorts. "Like you did for me a year ago?"

I take her hand in mine and she tries to jerk it out, but relaxes after a moment. "I have always loved you Sookie," I say to her, and her eyes cloud over with tears. She bites her lip and nods, but doesn't answer in kind. I want to hear her say it to me, but I have a feeling I am not going to for a long time, if ever again.

"Will you dance with me?" I ask, noticing the song that is playing.

She hesitates a moment, tears falling from her eyes when she recognizes the song. It is the same one that played at our wedding as our first dance. She places her hand in mine and I feel a shock run through my body. I pull her close to me. I place a kiss under her ear and start singing to her along with the song.

_You're the only one and only  
>My heart's beating for<br>I love you, need I say more  
>Now and ever, we'll be together<br>Of that you can be sure  
>I love you, need I say more<em>

She chokes out a sob and clutches my shirt tighter. I feel her tears drenching my shirt and I feel my heart breaking. I have caused her so much pain, and it was all as a result of my own selfish desires.

_I don't know just what it is  
>That you're needing to hear me say<br>The way that I'm feeling is more than mere words can describe  
>All this discussion could never<br>Do justice to something so heavenly-made  
>I'd rather tell you<br>With touches how I feel inside_

_Let me hold you, let me show you  
>What true love's all about<br>In these arms of mine I know you will find  
>You won't do without anymore<br>I'll love you forever need I say more_

Before I know what is happening, she pushes away from me and bolts out of the front doors. I rush after her, and it begins to rain over us. A true testament to how I am feeling.

"Sookie!" I scream out to her, but she ignores me. She keeps running faster until I finally catch up to her. "Sookie. Don't. Please, please don't cry," I say, trying to pull her to me, but she pushes me away from her with her hands against my chest. She has a look of total exhaustion on her face.

"No Eric. I have cried over you enough. I waited so many nights thinking you would come back and make love to me, saying you were sorry and never wanted anything but me. But it never came," she snaps. I took a step back, taking in her broken spirit. It is because of me she is this way, not the free loving woman I had fallen in love with. "I don't want you anymore," she says coldly.

I shake my head. "You can't mean that Sookie. You love me. You know you do," I say, and she cries more.

"I will always love you Eric, but I won't go back to you. Not now, not anytime," she chokes out.

"Sookie, please..."

"No," she says, taking a step back. "You think because you made first, that everything is great now and you can have me back in your life. Eric, I want to come first in my man's life, and its clear I would never be that in yours."

I fall to my knees, touching my face to her thighs. I smell her sweet scent calling to me, a scent I will never get to taste again. She places her hand on my head. "Let me go Eric, let me go," she whispers to me and I can hear the tears in her eyes.

I choke on a sob, and let the tears fall freely from my eyes. I look up at her and she is begging me with her eyes. "I can't," I strain out and she starts crying harder. She takes a step back and looks at me with sad eyes.

"Then be ready for disappointment, cause this is one heart you won't win back," she says before walking off, leaving me in the mud, with the rain pelting on my face. I know I will do anything to get her back, and I am not going to waste anymore time. First thing tomorrow, I will begin to win back my love. Come hell or high water, she will be mine again.


End file.
